“We did it.” — A short story

Short story of an IAS aspirant from Karnataka and what happened on the day of her result?

I couldn’t sleep the whole night. Anticipating my UPSC result. I have had many sleepless nights in the past one year but this was surely the longest.

I received an SMS from Vaani, my batch mate in coaching, saying that the results are out. I could not do this alone. I called up appa (dad) and amma (mom) in hometown.

“Appa the mains results are out.”

“Did you clear?”

“I am too scared to see alone.”

“Wait I’ll put on speaker phone, amma is also here.”

“Amma?”

“Vibha, Ēnādarū sambhavisidare nāvu yāvāgalū nim’mannu nambuttēve.”[Vibha, no matter what the results say, remember we always believe in you.]

“Thanks amma, I will open the website now. Stay on line.”

“Sari, sari.” [OK, OK]

I clicked the PDF button next to Civil services mains result on the UPSC website’s result section.

“Idu ḍaunlōḍ āguttide.”[It is downloading.]

My heart raced faster and faster with the download countdown.

I opened the file nervously. It was a PDF file with long list of names. I searched for my name in it. I could not find it. I looked again. I could not find it. I looked for the third time now. But still couldn’t find my name. Tears started to roll out of my eyes with a hint of sob.

“Ēnu sambhaviside?” both asked in unison. [What happened?]

“My name is not there in the list.” I started crying.

Appa put the phone off speaker.

“It’s OK Vibha. It is not like people clear UPSC in first attempt. It is the toughest examination in the world for a reason. Don’t worry. You will clear it next year.”

Just managing to control my tears but still sobbing I replied, “Appa it was my only chance. We can not afford another year. I can not stay in Delhi for another year. I know how difficult it has been for you this one year. I ruined it. I ruined everything.”

My appa is a lower division clerk in government of Karnataka. It was his dream to see me become a UPSC officer. It had become my dream too.. I had seen my parents sacrifice and work hard to enable me to compete with millions. They put me through English medium school and sent me to Bangalore to study and then to Delhi for preparation.

I ruined it all.

“Appa, Nānu nim’mannu nantara kareyuttēne. Tell amma not to worry. I’ll be fine.” [Appa I’ll call you in sometime.]

It took me an hour or so to calm down. I decided I will go back home and study again while doing a part time job in my hometown itself. Three years in Bangalore and one year Delhi and UPSC preparation had given me enough confidence to do a decent job wherever I go.

It was easy to stay gloomy all day given the situation. My hard work had gone down the drain. But that is not me. I always look at the bright side.

I will spend time with amma appa. I can drink my favorite Coorg coffee everyday. I will study and do a job simultaneously.

With these thoughts set in. I had made up my mind to call appa and tell my decision.

As I was about to reach my phone to call appa, Vaani’s name flashed on the screen.

In my state of affairs I had completely forgot to ask Vaani about her result. I picked up the call.

“Congratulations Vibha. We did it. I knew we will crack UPSC in our first attempt. Your techniques worked. We did it.” Vaani was eccentric.

I was perplexed.

“Vaani are you being sarcastic because honestly I am in no mood.” I said honestly.

“What? Did you not see the result. We cleared it. Your rank is 461. I got 619.” Vaani was clearly in delusion.

“Vaani this is no time for joke. You very well know how important it was for me to clear UPSC. I understand it is not something one achieve in their first attempt. But let’s not make fun of the situation. Let’s face it as it is.” I said plainly.

“Sweetheart have you gone mad or what. I am not joking we cleared it.” Vaani continued in her excitement.

“No Vaani, I did not clear it. I checked the list three times. My name was nowhere there in the entire list.”

“What list?” Vaani exclaimed.

“The final results list.” I stated the obvious.

“Dear-o-dear.” Vaani gasped.

“What happened?” confused, I inquired.

“You are playing with me right?” Vaani asked me in a way as if she had caught my prank.

“You think I’ll lie about the thing that matters most to me in the world right now.”

“Oh God.” Vaani was speechless for a moment.

And then she continued.

“Vibha sweetheart, UPSC did not release the result in PDF list. Didn’t you notice the year? Unlike last year, the results appear when you put your roll number in the search query ad it shows your rank. How could you miss it. It is flashing right on the home page.” Vaani explained.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It felt as if the earth was Moving From under My feet. It took me a while to comprehend what Vaani just said.

“Go see for yourself. And the treat is on you tonight.” Vaani hung up.

I was still shell shocked.

Hesitantly I opened the browser again. I entered the letter U and the address bar suggested upsc.gov.in

I hit enter. Vaani was right. There flashed a sign which read “Click for 2019 Civil Services Final Results.” Earlier I had clicked on the Results section in the menu bar. The PDF file stated the year 2018. It completely skipped my mind that it’s 2019. I couldn’t believe my stupidity.

I pressed back button and landed on home page. I clicked the flashing sign.

A new web page opened. Vaani was right again. There was no PDF download option. But a query bar. It read “Enter your roll number..”

It was deja-vu. It was happening all over again. It was not happening in the next year. It was happening right now. Two hours after my heart break, I was again sitting in front of the computer with a racing heart to again see what lies ahead. Which thanks to Vaani I already knew but I wanted to unknow it and discover it myself.

For a moment I forgot about anything Vaani had said and entered my roll number and hit enter.

The screen went blank. I noticed the circular shape going round and round on the browser’s title bar. It felt like a long time. Suddenly some text appeared. I moved closer to the screen.

It read, “Roll number: 0083942” below it read, “Rank: 461” below it read, “Eligible for counseling: Yes (details will be sent to registered address).”

I was awestruck. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Tears rolled down my eyes. I called appa.

Appa answered the phone immediately but I could not speak anything.

I gathered my breath and cleared my tears.

“Appa, we did it. I saw last year’s result. I was so nervous that I missed the latest result section.”

“Bēre rītiyalli hēḷuvudādare, nīvu adannu spaṣṭapaḍisiddīrā?” [Does that mean you cleared it?]

“No appa, we cleared it.”

THE END

#shortstory #upsc #india #examination #competition #kannada